I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
