She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
