I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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