I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
