thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
