Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
