Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
