his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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