During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i've created a new STD.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
