I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
