the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You took a bar mat shot.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
