The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
