Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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