Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize