dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
