You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
