The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
