i barfeds in our rink
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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