people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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