Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
