that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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