Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
