This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Are we still banned from the library?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
