70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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