Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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