wakey wakey hands off snakey
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
