After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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