My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
