Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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