Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Send help, water and tortillas.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
