Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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