dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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