im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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