i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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