I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
