WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
