is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
