you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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