I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
