Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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