We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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