Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
