I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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