Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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