i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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