: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
