your room smells of hookers.
And success
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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