My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
