I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
