If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
