help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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