She is in my trunk
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
