Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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