Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
