STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
