In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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