I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
