Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
