I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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