I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
