I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
