I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
