i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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