i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
