I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you would pick up someone in the library
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
