Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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