The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
