She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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