I'm eating all of the evidence.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
