Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Duck Duck Cougar?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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