I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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