just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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