By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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