did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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