This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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