I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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