I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
