Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can't turn off my feet"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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