So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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