is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
