bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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