pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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