so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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