A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
