I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
