You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
