Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
