I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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