think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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