if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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